Last week I had my first appointment at my local hospice (Marie Curie). When I got the call on Christmas Eve offering me an appointment I felt as if this is it, there is no more hope and that I have to prepare for the worst. During the holiday period I felt very anxious, depressed and defeated. I even contemplated on giving up all medical treatment including stopping all my oral medications as I thought that I had no more options.
After talking through everything with the hospice doctor I felt a little better as I felt like she understood where I was coming from, how I was feeling and took the time to listen. My appointment was only suppose to be an hour but I think we ended up talking for about 2 hours or even more that when we came out everyone said 'geez u was in there for ages'. She was so attentive, never did she look at the clock or check the time like some doctors do, she just listened to everything and together we came up with some goals and plans for the future. At first she was shocked to read about what I had already been through and she could see how frustrated, sad and fed up I was and one of our first goals is to get me some emotional help through counselling and then she suggested some complementary therapies which may help me feel better about about myself as well as some physio to help with my mobility and breathing. Also I explained how my living situation is not suitable to my needs anymore so hopefully a social worker will help me sort things out with the housing.
We then came to the unpleasant and difficult part of the conversation about my wishes and needs for when the time comes. I did explain that I had already done my own plan and wish list which I have kept just in case especially whenever I go for any surgery I make sure everything is written down. During my next appointment next month she told me to bring everything I have in so that they can put it in my file and make sure that everything is carried out how I want incase of any unfortunate event.
Yesterday, I went back for my first physio session and again the physio was so nice and we managed to get through an hour of assessment at the gym and come up with a exercise plan for me to follow which means I have to come to their gym at least twice a week for about an hour in order to hopefully build up my strength and improve my breathing during exertion. We found that I am quite weak so hopefully regular exercise will slowly build up strength and I will be able to do more things and may also help with my self esteem too. She also gave me a relaxation and breathing CD to listen too when i'm at home and want to just relax and to help with my insomnia.
I am now not so scared of thought of going to a hospice as it's not all doom and gloom and a place where people go when they're dying, it's more of a place to go for support and respite when faced with a terminal illness. I've already met a few patients who have been going for so many years and they love coming in even when they don't have an appointment as it's such a friendly and warm environment which offers a lot of other complementary therapies. I already feel so at home there that I actually am looking forward to going again on Friday as they have a relaxation session and hopefully will meet more people.
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