My 2015

This year has been a very difficult and sad year for me and it definitely falls under one of the worst years of my life. With the death of my beloved auntie and my health situation it's been a tough time and sometimes giving up seems like the easier option but to think that there is a lot of people out there a lot worst off than me I feel that it would be selfish and ungrateful especially when two very generous people and their families gave me the most precious gift of life so that I can live.

The things that really get me down are things that healthy people take for granted like having a career, a family, being able to travel and basically just doing everyday things. When i was little all I ever dreamed off was to be a doctor, have a nice house for me and my family and to have plenty children but now all that seems to be out of my reach or impossible. I can kiss having a career goodbye because with being to tired, being in pain and struggling to breathe on a daily basis means I can't hold down a  permanent full time job anymore. I will never own my own home as I cannot afford it due to not being able to work full time and to top all things off having kids is now a big no. Those are the only three things that I ever wanted to live a happy life so it breaks my heart and often makes me angry to know that I will never achieve any of them.

Although I have a lot of things that restrict me from leading a normal life I still try my very best when I feel well enough, and I try to not let it stop me from doing things like working. Even though I cannot hold down a full-time job anymore I still love my job so much that on my good days I do a shift and it helps to feel normal even just for a day or two. However I've gone from being able to do 2-3 shifts a week to now only managing 2-3 shifts max a month. I'm not looking forward to the day when I will have to stop working for good as it's the only thing really that keeps me sane.

My health has always been the biggest challenge in my life and with liver disease I thought my life would be greatly improved after transplant but since my second transplant my health has got worst, my diagnosis list keeps growing and the fight to survive keeps getting harder and I don't know how long I can keep fighting, being strong for others and keep putting on a brave face when inside I feel like my body is working against me all the time. I miss the days that when I could walk and run without pain and becoming breathless, going out with my friends and having fun and working full time. Sometimes I feel like my only hope now is to pray for a miracle but I think i'm pushing my luck now with the man upstairs as I have already had many miracles and being a live today is the proof of that as from the day I was born I was not  expected to live past 2 years old and with everything I've been through in the past and have overcome are all due to little miracles which God has blessed me with so I have no right to complain as despite my life now and everything else I am already truly blessed and lucky. I have defied many odds and have over 30 years extra.

I am glad to see the back of 2015 and I don't know what 2016 has in store for me but I can only hope it's much better and a little bit of happiness would be nice. God works in mysterious ways so you can never know what tomorrow will bring.

Wishing you all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY & HEALTHY NEW YEAR!

@Home with Mum and Bro

Me with Bro and Kiki (Pat's gf)

Me, Ate Emz and Bee

@Kilburn with the Family!