Maribel's Miracle: My unexpected trip to Philippines

After hearing the sad news that my auntie in America who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer was terminal and that there was nothing else they can do for her and she wanted to go back home to Philippines me and my mum decided we wanted to go too so that we could spend some time with her and look after her. However, it was not as simple as just booking a ticket and flying out as my health is not at a good place at the moment so first thing I did was got in contact with my doctors on both teams the liver and the heart and at first my surgeon told me I can't go but for me this wasn't possible and I explained how important it was for me to go as my auntie is so dear to me and to never see her alive again would crush me as she is the closest auntie I have and I love her so much so I didn't take no for an answer, I said that I was willing to do whatever it takes just so that he would let me go so he suggested I have an endoscopy, and anyone who knows me knows how much I hate endoscopies. I can tolerate most medical procedures but not endoscopies but this time I was willing to do it and they said they would give me general anaesthetic anyway. On the day of my endoscopy they told me that they could not give me the GA as my pulmonary hypertension is to severe to risk it so they said they would just sedate me. At this point I started to freak out and panic and when they got me in and started injecting all the drugs I was out like a light and the next thing i remember was waking up in the recovery room thirsty, They did an amazing job and thankfully this time round it wasn't traumatic and when the doctor came in to tell me that my varies were not big enough to rupture during the flight I was so happy and relieved that the minute I got out the hospital I phoned the airlines to book my ticket. However, the stress was not over asI now had to get numerous forms signed by my heart specialists from the airlines as the only agreed to let me go if I arranged oxygen for the flight as the pressure in the air could compromise my breathing so I spent the next few days calling and faxing forms between my hospital and the airlines and I finally got confirmation on the day of our flight that everything was cleared. I could finally take a deep breath of relief and concentrate on packing and getting to Philippines.

I have wanted to go back home for a holiday and to see my family for the past 2 years but because of my health I couldn't. Everyone thought I was happy to be going home but because my auntie was so sick I did not see this trip as a holiday at all as I was going back mainly to spend as much time with her as possible and help take care of her. It was nice to see the rest of my family but I didn't get much time to spend with them as we didn't stay in my mums hometown, we stayed in Manila where my auntie lives so the only time I got to see the rest of the family is when they came to visit and when we went there for a few days.We initially booked for just over 4 weeks but my auntie asked if we could extend and I wanted to spend more time with her cos when the days got closer to us leaving I couldn't bare to say goodbye and plus she was getting weaker by the day. I felt I had to stay and look after her as much as I could. If it wasn't for my illness I would have stayed as long as i needed too but I was running out of medication and the heat didn't seem to like my body very much as I felt so weak in myself, a lot of pain and my mobility and breathing was so bad, I couldn't function half as much as I can back in the UK. However, i was there for my auntie and nothing else so I didn't mind not going out everyday cos I would feel guilty when I did go out to have fun and when we spent a few days in my mums hometown I missed her so much.

It was so painful seeing my auntie deteriorate as I know her as a happy, fun loving person who loves life and has a sense of humor and to see her personality being sucked out from her and how she looked so different was heartbreaking. I then realised how my mum must have been feeling when I was so ill, not only is it heartbreaking but it's also hard work looking after someone 24/7, but because you love them it's not work it's or it's not a chore, you do it out of love. I've looked after many sick people before in my job and it is tiresome and hard work, but when I was looking after my auntie I didn't feel it was hard work or tiresome. I felt privileged to have had the opportunity to look after her and I will never forget the time we spent together, the nights I slept next to her, the chats we had about life, the days we ate together and her feeding me even when I was so full already but I would still eat because she would buy me anything she knew I liked and it made her happy. I will treasure those memories for the rest of my life.

Oh my days I am a mess now, writing this has been hard cos as I recall everything I see her in my head and am smiling and crying at the same time. This trip has been the hardest and saddest trip I've ever had in the Philippines but I would not change it at all. I have been back a few weeks now and saw my liver surgeon last week. He said he was worrying about me whilst I was away but was surprised and pleased that nothing major happened to me especially during the flight. The rest I will explain in another post.