Bitter sweet

I'm calling this post 'Bitter, Sweet' because that is basically how I'm feeling at the moment with everything as things are finally coming together with my flat which is now completed and I should be getting  the keys either today or tomorrow which is exciting as I can't wait to start decorating, shopping and moving in. Also my job process is almost complete so am hoping to start booking shifts within the next few weeks.

Then on the flipside, I've got impending admission at Hammersmith hospital for further PHT tests to determine the severity is so that Prof Heaton and my PHT consultant can decide what the best treatment plan is for me. Also this Thursday I finally have a dental appointment which I have been waiting for since April and hopefully my dentist has a treatment plan for me as I'm getting really depressed with my teeth and I also need to get it sorted before any further surgery.

Since my diagnosis I must admit that I haven't been coping well and have sort of hibernated from most people and have just been feeling so de-motivated which meant that I missed my deadline for my course so have had to extend it for a further month which I am hoping to do now. I've just been spending my time either on my own or with Syd who gets my situation unlike my other friends.

Friendships

One of the greatest gifts I have been blessed with and that has come out of living with Liver disease is the amazing people I meet throughout my journey and life. As a child I was never really seriously ill despite my liver condition, therefore I managed to live a pretty normal childhood and most of my teenage life where I had made some really great friends throughout my school and work life some of whom I am still good friends with. However, the past few years when my health began to deteriorate and especially the past 7 years where my life has been up and down with my health and on numerous times have come close to death I have come to realise who my TRUE friends are and more recently I have learn't that it's not how long you have known a person that makes a good friend but who is there for you in your times of need as well as the good times and I have been fortunate to have met an amazing young woman who also has a liver condition and has had a transplant. When I followed her story on a Facebook liver forum I saw that she was suffering with some of the same issues I had post transplant and so one day after my outpatients appointment I popped onto Todd Ward and decided to pay her a visit and that was the beginning of  what would be an amazing friendship. I never expected it to grow into such a close relationship as I try not to surround myself too much with liver people now as in the past I have got close to a few people and they have passed away which has had such an impact on me and my mental health. The first few months following our first meeting we bumped into each other numerous time at clinic but it was just hi, how are you? and bye until we eventually swapped numbers and started meeting up at clinic without our mums and going for lunch at Nandos then eventually meeting up outside the hospital environment for dinners and days out which led to us getting closer every as we found out we were very similar personality wise, sometimes too similar which freaks us out. If ever there is a twin of me anywhere in the world I think she would be my personality twin, now I just need to find my look a like twin.

I've just realised that I've been talking about this amazing , strong, funny, crazy young lady and haven't even mentioned her name. I think I have mentioned her in previous posts but for those who don't know she is my biatch Sydney! :) Although there is an 11 year age gap between us it doesn't make any difference and like all relationships age is nothing but a number and I can honestly say that she is one or if not my best friend and even though we have only known each other for 9 months she has been more of a friend to me than some of my other friends who I have known for 15 years or my whole life therefore I felt she deserves the acknowledgement. I love you to bits Sydney and you will always be my biatch. We WILL beat this liver disease and live happy lives as good nurses oneday. I will ALWAYS be here for you babe.

Also to all my other friends that have been there for me or have had fun times with I love all you guys and thanks for being part of my crazy life.

Finally to my liver friends that have gone...I love and miss you all...Sweet dreams...
Aneisha Patel
Zara Bakri
Nicola Oldacre
Faith Ong
Daniel Beamish